dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
