Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
