dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
