and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I smell like Dick and happiness
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