hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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