he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
