dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
