"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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