dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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