I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
