It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
