I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
