Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
