Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
