I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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