dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
