I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
