there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
