Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Sober January is a disaster.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
