Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
