I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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