i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
