I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
