I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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