Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
