So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
