you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
