I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
