i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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