This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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