Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize