I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
