You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Are my feet made of real feet?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
