the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
if only i could text you this smell
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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