What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
