Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
