A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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