you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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