Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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