I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
