READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
