Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
