The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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