lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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