i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
