My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have tasted many bathrooms
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
