I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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