I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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