She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
