she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
this hospital has no fireball
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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