hotel room ftw
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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