All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
