I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
