you traded sex for a burrito?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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