my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
