Don't you send me to vm
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
