Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
