if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
