just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
