the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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