Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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