So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
