I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
4 words: hood of his car
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
