I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
