Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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