i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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