well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
