I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
