plz talk dirty to me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
