I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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