You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize