I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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