Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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