take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Success! We fucked roommates!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
