omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
