i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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