i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you can't waste a boner
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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