I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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