Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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