It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
