I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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