you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
