we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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