chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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