is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I want is dick and wine.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
