Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
