He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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