Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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