he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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