FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
