If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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