"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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