I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
