after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
